


Want

by npse



Series: The Right Side of the Wrong Bed [2]
Category: MasterChef (TV) RPF
Genre: M/M, Smut, little to no plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-27
Updated: 2012-12-27
Packaged: 2017-11-22 15:17:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/611243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/npse/pseuds/npse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been almost two months and it all hurts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Want

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, this is pretty much just smut and badly written side plot. Sorry. :/ I tried to edit it but I got distracted so here, enjoy this unbeta'd fic.

Ben frowns at the package in his hands, the shiny green paper too joyful for the sour mood he’s in. All he has to do is put the small rectangular shaped present at the door, press the bell and walk away; or even just walk away without doing anything, but he can’t. He can’t bring himself to move from his position in front of the door of the foreign apartment. There’s a silent buzzing in his pocket that startles him and he shifts the package from one hand to the other so he can fish for his phone, checking caller ID. It’s Kylie.

“Hey,” He answers quietly.

“Benno, where are you? We’re waiting on you!” Kylie’s voice is so bright and bubbly and _happy_ and Ben wishes he felt the same.

“I’m coming,” He says, even though he’s almost 100% sure it’s a lie because he doesn’t really feel like going to Kylie’s house and playing happy for her benefit while she puts on a Christmas party.

“Well hurry up!” She giggles, “The wine’s flowing and Andy’s looking for you.”

Ben freezes at that and it takes more than a few seconds for him to remember to breathe again. “Uh, you know what, I’m not feeling too well.”

“Ben-“

“I probably won’t make it tonight, sorry.” He hangs up as soon as the words leave his mouth and drops his phone into his pocket. Glancing down at the present in his hands, he grips it a little tighter before bending down to prop it against the door in front of him. It looks out of place against the dull white colouring of the door, the bright green wrapping and red bow so startlingly bright in the relatively dark corridor.

His phone buzzes again and shocks him into action, walking down the hall and out of Andy’s apartment building without looking back.

*

It’s been almost two months since Ben’s spoken to Andy. It all ended pretty badly and in hindsight, it was mostly Ben’s fault. Andy wanted to sort things out, wanted to make things work between them whether they were friends or more but Ben just couldn’t do either. He couldn’t put to words his feelings and he certainly couldn’t get it through to Andy that it was hard for him to deal with things when he was so confused. Andy wasn’t dumb though – eventually he understood that Ben needed space. That didn’t change the fact that it royally pissed him off, though.

Now, Ben’s sitting by himself in their- _his_ – apartment, drinking store bought eggnog (because he sort of hasn’t made anything other than sandwiches since Andy left and the only recipe he has is one Andy gave him)and watching the stupid Christmas Carols on TV because it’s Christmas Eve and he’s got nowhere to be but a party with friends or his parents house and he doesn’t want to be either of those places because they all want to help and he just… doesn’t. He leans back in his couch, settling in after refilling his glass even though nothing about the drink is appealing in the slightest and turns the volume up on the TV. It’s the part of the night where there’s copious shots of couples snuggling in to each other and friends looking happy and children falling asleep and Ben feels a tightening in his throat because god _damn_ it, how did things get so fucked up? He tries to watch for a little longer, to try and absorb some of the Christmas spirit before he has to go and pretend for the sake of his parents tomorrow, but he just can’t. He turns it off before the song even finishes and the room plunges into darkness because, once again, he’s forgotten to turn any lights on. Grabbing his phone, he hits the buttons to make the torch turn on so he can navigate through the living room and turn a light on somewhere.

When he finally reaches the switches positioned beside the doorway to the kitchen and flicks a few of them on, he realises just how sad his life has become. There’s no Christmas tree in the living room, even though he and Andy had bought one before they fought. There’s no fresh fruit in the kitchen because Ben can’t bring himself to go shopping for more than frozen pizzas and concentrated juice. There’s no Christmas cards because Ben hasn’t checked his mail slot for a few days and there’s no presents anywhere because well, there’s no one to buy presents for. There’s nothing and it’s almost as if nothing’s changed at all but Ben knows it has because Andy’s cookbooks aren’t on the coffee table anymore and his CD’s aren’t stacked by the stereo and his basketball shoes aren’t by the door.

Ben switches the light off again because if he can’t see it then maybe he’ll forget that it’s not there anymore and maybe then he’ll be okay. He moves through the rooms, his phone lighting the way but only enough to ensure he doesn’t trip on the discarded dirty clothes that litter his usually clean floor. He really needs to do washing at some point.

He crawls into bed as soon as he finds his bedroom, not bothering to take his clothes off or turn a light on or even brush his teeth. He just wants to sleep and forget. Before he manages to though, his phone buzzes with a notification from Kylie’s twitter. Without thinking, Ben unlocks his phone and loads the tweet. He looks at it just long enough to see that in the background of the photo of the party, a certain dark haired man is making out with a curly haired brunette girl.

He throws his phone at the door, a satisfied grimace stretching across his face when he hears a cracking noise, and rolls over in bed, willing himself to sleep.

*

At 2-45am Ben wakes up to a constant, heavy thumping and for a split second he’s convinced that it’s Santa on his roof, until he remembers that he doesn’t exactly have a roof when there’s a family in the apartment above him and even if he did, _santa isn’t real_. So he blinks his eyes open and stays still in bed and the thumping continues and Ben’s not sure what it is until it stops for a moment and a voice calls “Ben!” and he realises that it’s someone at his door.

Ben debates whether or not he should get up but when the thumping resumes, he groans and rolls out of bed. He’s somehow managed to wriggle out of his jeans during his few hours sleep and he considers finding a pair of pants to pull over his boxer shorts but figures whoever it is has the wrong address considering the time of night and the fact that there’s not really anyone who’d come visit Ben so late at night. He walks through the darkened apartment to his front door, cracking it open only slightly. It’s dark in the hallway of his building too and it takes a few moments for his eyes to adjust and take in the person standing on the other side of his door.

Andy.

“What do you want?” Ben asks, rubbing his eye and feigning sleepiness even though he’s pretty much wide awake.

“You were supposed to come to Kylie’s tonight.” Andy says and his voice sounds small and childish.

“Yeah, I wasn’t feeling it.”

“Are you sick?”

Ben scoffs, “Doesn’t look like you missed me much anyway, judging by the picture Kylie tweeted.” Andy drops his head and stares at the floor and Ben feels the tiniest surge of guilt surge through him because Andy looks so sad and before he knows it, he’s pushing the door open. “Come on in.”

Andy looks at Ben for a few seconds before moving into the apartment and Ben tries not to sigh too loudly when he smells the distinct odours of alcohol, girls and pot on his friend. He follows him through the house and watches him as best he can in the darkness.

“Why is it so dark?”

“Because it’s the middle of the night?” Ben says and stifles a yawn. He watches Andy as he wanders the room in the darkness, seemingly checking what’s changed since he left, and Ben can’t stand it. “I’m going back to bed. You know where everything is – just mind the clothes on the bathroom floor if you need to spew.”

The other man turns around and tilts his head slightly. “Why would I need to spew?”

Ben can’t help but shake his head slightly, folding his arms across his chest. “You’re wasted, I can smell it on you.”

“What? No, I’m not. I was sober tonight.”

He rolls his eyes, “Whatever, I’m going to bed.”

“No, wait,” Andy says, starting to move but not really seeming to know what to do. Ben sighs. “Can we talk?”

He throws his head back and stares at the roof for a few moments. “Yeah,” He says with a nod, “Sure, we can talk.”

“Can we turn a light on?”

“No.”

Andy seems to stifle a laugh and Ben considers going straight to bed but Andy’s already moving to sit on the couch and well, Ben’s already awake so he may as well hear his best mate out. He shuffles a little closer to the couch but doesn’t sit.

“I got your gift.” Andy says and it sounds so loud in the silent darkness of the apartment. Ben nods. “Why didn’t you give it to me? Why’d you just leave it there?” He shrugs. “Come on, Ben, you said we were gonna talk.”

“We are.”

“Don’t give me that, I mean really talk.” Andy sounds uncharacteristically mad and it makes Ben want to argue.

“You’re the one who wanted to talk, so talk.”

Andy huffs out a breath and Ben feels like maybe letting him in was a mistake, he’s even about to say as much until Andy speaks again. “I’m sorry.” Ben swallows hard and tries to speak but he can’t find his voice. “I- what I did that night was a dick move. It was a shit thing to do.”

“It’s okay.” Ben says, even though it’s not and Andy shakes his head because he knows as well as Ben does that it’s definitely not okay. “It’s your life, I’m not going to tell you how to live it.”

“I know,” Andy says quietly. “I’m so thankful you didn’t.” He can’t help the sting that he feels when Andy says that.

“Okay, I’m going to bed now.” Ben repeats and heads back toward his room.

“Shit, no, hear me out Ben.”

“What for?” He asks, exasperated.

Andy actually groans this time and he’s standing up before Ben can say anything else, “Listen, this is fucking hard for me too okay so just sit down and talk this out with me because I’m not the only one who acted like a dick, alright? So come back here and stop being such a princess.”

Ben scoffs, “Fuck off, Andy. You don’t get to talk to me like that, this is my goddamn house!”

“ _Ours_ ,” Andy reiterates and Ben shakes his head, turning back to face him.

“No, _mine_. You abandoned any right to this place when you left.” Ben seethes.

“Left?” Andy asks incredulously, “I didn’t leave – you practically threw me out!” Ben chuckles darkly, “No, don’t give me that shit, Ben! You wouldn’t fucking speak to me! Did you honestly expect me to stick around when you made it so clear that you didn’t want me here?”

“You should have tried to-“ Ben starts but Andy cuts him off almost immediately.

“Don’t you dare say that – I _tried_! You wouldn’t talk to me, Ben. You wouldn’t talk to anyone!”

“Yeah, well maybe you should have tried to talk to me before it was too late.” Ben says and he knows it’s ridiculous but he can’t help himself.

Andy takes a step closer to him, “What, you mean say something to you before I even knew anything was wrong? Magically realise that you’re in love with me? How the fuck was I supposed to know that?”

Ben wants to argue but he’s got nothing to fight back with and he feels stupid and small and Andy sounds so much madder than he’s ever been before and Ben wishes he hadn’t let him in.

“Do you know how much this past month has sucked?” Andy asks after a few moments of silence has passed and his voice is much quieter now.

“I’ve got some idea,” Ben mutters sullenly.

“Really?” He says dubiously, “You know how it feels to lose your best mate because he won’t fucking talk to you? Because I was there, Ben. I was ready to talk to you  whenever you wanted, and you didn’t want to.”

“What was I supposed to say?” Ben asks incredulously because fuck this, Andy isn’t putting this all on him. “Seriously, what was I supposed to say to you? ‘Sorry for kissing you and not fucking you, I’ll remember better next time’?”

“Is that what this is about? You’re not talking to me because we didn’t sleep together?”

Ben rolls his eyes, “It’s got more to do with the fact that you’re not gay.”

Andy laughs, actually _laughs_ , and Ben thinks he’s about to punch him in the face when he says, “Are you fucking kidding me? What, you think that I kissed you back that night just because I was drunk?”

“What else am I supposed to think?” Ben asks and his voice is losing its ice with each word.

“How about thinking that I actually _wanted_ to? Did you ever consider that maybe I kissed you back because the moment you made clear how you felt, I figured out that the shit I’d been feeling for ages actually meant something?”

Ben can’t help but let out a small breath. “You mean-?”

“I mean yeah, I like chicks, but right now,” Andy closes the space between them which had somehow lessened without Ben even realising it and now he’s only inches away – so close that Ben can smell Andy’s cologne. “Right now, I’m trying to save whatever’s left of my friendship with you so we can try and make something more out of it.”

“Wait, what?” Ben asks because his brain isn’t really comprehending anything Andy’s saying but his heart’s beating really fast and Andy just shakes his head and surges forward and kisses him on the mouth and it’s nothing like the first time – it’s slow and passionate and not nearly as driven by arousal as the first one had been.

“You’re an idiot, Ben.” Andy says when he pulls away, but it’s playful. “Before, when I said I was glad you didn’t tell me how to live my life, it’s because I needed to figure out what I wanted. And trust me, a month away made me realise that what I want, _all_ I want, is you.”

Ben can’t help himself, he grins large and goofily and he feels his cheeks heat a little bit. He ignores the nagging voices in the back of his head that remind him of all the pain and suffering he’s felt for the past month and all the insecurities and worries he’s got because right now, Andy’s in front of him and looking nervous and Ben can’t do anything but lean in and kiss him again. Andy makes a surprised noise at how desperate Ben’s kisses are and he snakes an arm around his neck to pull him a little deeper into the kisses.

They kiss until they’re both breathless and panting and Ben can’t help but lick his lips as they break apart because he just can’t believe what’s happening. It’s everything he’s wanted for so long and it’s everything he’s told himself he’s not allowed to have. Well, not _everything_.

As if reading his mind, Andy gets a cheeky smirk on his face. “I know,” He clears his throat nervously, starting again, “I know that there’s still a lot for us to talk about and stuff, but, I feel like I should apologise.”

“You already have,” Ben says quietly, eyes searching Andy’s.

“Not properly.”

Ben gulps down a breath and maybe it’s too soon but Andy is right there and he looks so sincere and honestly, Ben’s boxers have gathered enough moisture at the front that no matter what he decides, this night is ending in someone coming and he’d rather it’s by Andy’s hands than his own. He nods, gently at first and then breathes out a response and Andy smiles, pushing him back into the nearest wall.

He’s not exactly sure what to expect because he’s never actually done this with someone he cares about, but whatever nerves he’s got disappear as soon as Andy kisses him again because _damn_. Every ounce of want and desperation and love Ben has ever felt for Andy seems as though it’s being conveyed through the kiss and is reciprocated in full by Andy and it all feels like too much, just by kissing. He’s not even aware of where Andy’s hands are until he feels a hand grip around his half-hard dick.

He moans into Andy’s mouth and a familiar feeling of a smile breaking through the kiss reminds Ben briefly of the first time they kissed but that memory is quickly dashed by the feel of Andy’s fingers gathering the precome from the tip of his cock and smearing it lazily along his length. Andy breaks the kiss again, turning his attention to Ben’s jaw and throat and his stubble tickles Ben slightly but it’s also insanely hot and it’s all still so much. Another moan tumbles from his lips as his cock hardens fully and Andy’s hand starts to pump him at an excruciatingly slow rate.

Ben makes a keening noise, a silent plea for Andy to go faster and Andy chuckles against his skin. “Not enough for you?” He asks and he doesn’t wait for an answer before dropping to his knees. Ben’s breath catches in his throat and he wants to tell Andy no, it’s too soon for that, but he can’t get the words out because he’s wanted this for _so long_. He leans back into the wall as Andy’s breath tickles over his sensitive cock before his mouth presses to the skin.

“Fuck,” Ben shudders and he can feel more than hear Andy take a few deep breaths before he kisses the head of Ben’s cock, spreading his lips and slowly taking in more of him as he grows comfortable. Ben could almost come just from that, and he knows he’s dangerously close as Andy swallows as much of his length as he can before pulling back with a gentle suck. He reaches down to grab Andy’s shoulders because there’s nothing else to grab onto, worming his fingers into Andy’s hair (which is longer than he remembers).

Andy lets out a messy mixture of a groan and a hum and it sends jolts through Ben’s body, or more specifically, through his cock and he can feel his muscles tensing and his stomach dropping with the promise of release. It’s almost embarrassing how close he is after such a little time but Andy’s mouth is working wonders on his dick and just the fact that it’s _Andy’s mouth_ is enough to have Ben on the verge of orgasm.

“Andy, I’m,” He tries to warn but Andy digs his fingers into Ben’s hips, as if saying ‘yeah mate, I know’. Ben fights to keep his hips against the wall, not wanting to thrust into Andy and choke him but when Andy pulls back again and swipes his tongue across the slit of Ben’s cock, he can’t help but buck his hips forward and essentially force himself back into Andy’s mouth. Andy makes a quiet strangled noise and shoves Ben’s hips back against the wall as he goes down on him as deep as he can, drawing back slowly and scraping his teeth gently along his shaft. Ben’s body trembles as Andy drags the orgasm from within him and before he can give another garbled mess of a warning, Ben’s coming and cursing and squeezing Andy’s shoulders as hard as he can because it’s all _so much_.

Andy keeps his mouth on Ben until his body has stopped trembling and when he pulls away and stands up, Ben can’t help the lazy grin that spreads across his lips at the sight of Andy.

“What?” Andy asks self-consciously as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

“You’re beautiful.” Ben says before he can convince himself not to and Andy laughs, shaking his head.

“Nah mate, that just then? _That_ was beautiful. You moaning my name, that’s beautiful. I’m just an idiot who took too long to realise what was right in front of him.”

Ben nods, “You got that right.” Andy raises an eyebrow and Ben laughs, pulling Andy in close so his lips are ghosting over Andy’s slick and swollen ones. “But at least you realised it.”

“And here I was thinking you’d say something stupid like ‘you’re my idiot’.” Andy says cheekily, leaning in to brush their lips together briefly.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Ben says with a smile.

“Maybe you should.”

*

Ben wakes in the morning to the smell of pancakes and the distinct feeling of a hand groping his inner thigh. He blinks his eyes open and sees Andy laying beside him in the bed.

“Is it bad that I thought you wouldn’t be here this morning?” Ben asks, voice raspy.

“Not as long as you’re not disappointed that I am,” Andy says honestly and Ben shakes his head. He grins and removes his hand from under the covers, much to Ben’s disappointment, and gathers the plate from the bedside table, handing it over. “You didn’t have much for to cook with, but I managed some breakfast.”

Ben nods, “I know, I kinda…stopped cooking…after you left.” He admits shyly, taking the plate from Andy and poking at a pancake. “What time is it?” He asks, just to change the subject after silence falls over them once more.

“Why, got somewhere to be?”

“Mum’s at 10 for presents and brunch.” He says through a mouthful of breakfast.

Andy gives him a cheeky grin, “There’s still plenty of time until then.” His hand sneaks under the blankets again, groping underneath his boxers this time. “How about I make this a _really_ Merry Christmas?”

Ben laughs, “Just don’t make lines like that and I’m all for it.” Andy laughs too, leaning over to push the plate of pancakes off the bed. “Oi!” He says, sitting up as the plate breaks.

“Consider that payback for saying my line sucked,” Andy practically purrs, straddling Ben’s hips.

Ben groans, wrapping his arms around Andy’s waist and flipping them over. “Get ready for some payback of your own,” He murmurs against Andy’s ear, who moans in response.

“I was hoping you’d say that.”

*

 


End file.
